


I've Seen the Glory

by Writer_Geekgirl



Series: Season 13 Codas [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Dean Uses Actual Words, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s13e14 Good Intentions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2019-05-14 17:07:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14773685
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writer_Geekgirl/pseuds/Writer_Geekgirl
Summary: Dean confronts Castiel after he ripped the spell from Donatello's mind.This is a coda to Season 13, Episode 14, "Good Intentions."





	I've Seen the Glory

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this right after the episode aired but forgot about it, so it languished in my WIP folder. Oops.

The air was tense after Sam and Dean confronted Castiel about what he had done to Donatello. Sam stormed out of the war room, growling, "Whatever ever it takes, my ass. The means don't always justify the ends, Cas."

Castiel watched Sam's back recede down the hallway and flinched as the door to Sam's room slammed. He turned towards Dean, his shoulders rigid. He kept his face an emotionless mask as he watched Dean struggle to say something and then grow quiet again. Their eyes locked and they lost sense of time. 

It might have been ten minutes or an hour later before Dean finally spoke, "Cas, you're scaring me."

"Why?"

"You just destroyed Donatello without a thought."

Castiel gave a choked laugh, "Without a thought? I broke one of my most sacred oaths, not to tamper with a human mind. My brethren have done that time and time again, but I haven't. Except once before."

Dean looked away uncomfortably, "Lisa was different…"

"The difference was Donatello was corrupted and Lisa wasn't, so it didn't hurt her mind when you had me take her memories and rearrange her thoughts. Or Ben's." Castiel ran his fingers through his hair frustrated.

"Talk to me, Cas."

Castiel sighed, "You have no common frame of reference."

"I don't want to lose you again," Dean said softly.

"That is why I'm doing this, Dean. So, we don't lose this. Us, Sam, Jack, your mother, the world. I need you to understand."

"What? Understand like with the Leviathans?" Dean retorted.

Castiel took a deep breath. "For this, like then, you have no common frame of reference. You are used to fighting battles and not wars. Amara was a battle. Lucifer was a battle. Dick Roman was a battle. Abaddon was a battle. Now, we are going to war. War, Dean. There is an army on the other side of that wall with Michael leading it. It is the apocalypse. They want to conquer and destroy our world. I'm a soldier, a commander. You're a hunter, a fighter. You are exceptional in battle, but you don't know how to fight a war." 

"All I know is last time you were like this; the Leviathans were let out."

"You didn't understand then either. Raphael was going to destroy the world. He was going to jump-start the apocalypse. I had to do whatever it took to stop him. I regret deeply the carnage that the Leviathans left behind, that I left behind. I regret what I did to Heaven and Earth in my arrogance. But, I did what had to be done. Even today, I don't know another way I could have defeated Raphael. I've replayed it in my mind thousands of times, trying to see if there was any other option. I still see no other solution. I wanted another solution."

"We could we have done it together," Dean protested.

"You couldn't help me with it. The war was in Heaven, I had to fight that war alone. You couldn't go there. How exactly could you help me win a war in Heaven?" Castiel growled at Dean. His voice softened, "This is different. This we can do together. We will figure out how to get the ingredients for the spell. We will open that portal and we will get Jack and your mother back. We will figure out how to defeat Michael and Lucifer."

"We?" Dean indicated him and Castiel.

"Yes, we. You, me, and Sam. We'll do this together." Castiel looked away from Dean. "It's been a long time since I had to be a soldier, Dean. I'll make tough decisions. You and Sam are not going to like all of them. I know you two were attached to Donatello. I didn't want to cause you pain. However, what he became, he wasn't human anymore. He had become a monster. He was corrupted, just as if he had been a human who was turned into a werewolf or a vampire. It would have been kinder to kill him, but Sam didn't want me to."

Dean put his hand on Castiel's shoulder. "I get that. I do. He tried to kill us both. I just… We should have just talked about it more first."

"To what end, Dean? I knew what needed to be done. If you admit it to yourself, you knew it needed to be done too." Castiel suddenly looked tired and defeated. "Dean, I can't fight Michael and you at the same time. Everything went so badly before because I tried to fight both Raphael and you. We need to work together. I can't go through that again. But I also can't have you and Sam second and third guess me all the time. We need to trust each other to survive. I know I've not earned your trust back, and I don't deserve to. But, our goals are the same, to get your mother and Jack back and to save our world."

Dean pulled Castiel closer and put his arms around him. "I trust you, Cas."

Castiel rested his forehead on Dean's shoulder. "You don't trust me, and you never will. I resigned myself to that long ago. This time the stakes are much higher. I'm afraid I will lose you when I must do what must be done to win this war, Dean. "

"Cas…"

Castiel pulled back, turned away, and whispered, "I didn't want to hurt Donatello. I should have realized sooner he didn't have a soul."

"Sam and I could have told you."

Castiel replied quietly, "It would have been good information to have. I'll promise you this, Dean. I won't do anything without your knowledge because I'm trying to keep you out of harm's way. I'll be honest and upfront with you. I won't lie or try to deceive you. In return, I ask you to let me be a soldier."

"Ishim said you were a soldier; a warrior; an angel's angel. We dragged you down." 

Castiel laughed sadly, "Ishim said many things. Dean, I've been called your pet angel, your lapdog, your guard dog, all to my face. I never protested. I never defended myself, because that is what I let myself become. It was a luxury I gave myself. It's what I wanted, my choice. You don't need the lapdog anymore; you need the soldier. I told you the second time I ever saw you that I wasn't there to perch on your shoulder. I lied because that's exactly what I did. I chose to perch. I love you, Dean. And the others. But especially you. Being with you has been the best years of my life, even when times are tough."

"You're not a pet, Cas. You're my…" Dean struggled for words. He finally sputtered out, "…everything." Castiel tilted his head at him in confusion; his blue eyes staring at Dean intently. "Cas, I can't do this without you. I need you. Without you, I spiral out of control. I just can't see the point in anything." Dean grabbed the lapels of Castiel's trench coat and dragged him close.

Castiel kissed Dean gently. "You have me, now and forever. I will always come back to you. I will always find a way to be with you."

"And I'll always be waiting," Dean replied as he held Castiel closely.


End file.
